on the train

zenteamindfulness

24 Nov

Life is complex, and when the mind frequencies rise and start spinning in the vortex of interconnectedness, I feel like pulling an emergency brake in the high-speed train. I still want to be on that train and continue my journey, however, when pictures in the window merge into one continuous curtain, I start to feel dizzy. I need to close my eyes and take a deep breath to rest.

At first, there was resistance and hesitation to voluntarily stop my active participation in the journey. What if I close my eyes and miss something outside of the window, some landmark. Everyone will discuss it later, and I will stay out of this conversation. But I dare to do it, don't think of the consequences, move eyelids down and rest the over-stimulated brain. I release visual senses, and the body gets more resources to feel the journey not to watch it.

Quite some time ago I heard that vision takes 40-60% of our brain intake capacity and interpreted that as permission to close my eyes from time to time. That was liberating! And a few years later I sat my first 10 days vipassana retreat. Vipassana meditation is based on self-observation technique usually conducted away from everyone in noble silence freed of external distraction.

I was still on the train toward the destination of Life, but I managed to be less of an active observer and more of moving with the train and feeling its motion. I don't want to step off, I love the feeling of locomotion in my body. I started to travel solo across Ukraine when I was 14 years old. My sister married in another region 1500 km away, and I travelled back and forth 4 times a year. It became a ritual, every school break to pack a bag and get on board. I was learning so many things about myself and people, those hours on the overnight train awakened my intuition.

Today I felt that I am on the train and things are starting to merge from the peripheral vision to the centre of the apple of the eye. I recognise familiar tingling in the tips of the fingers. I know what to do. Close my eyes, take a deep breath, pull the thermos out and offer a cup of tea to my travel companions while the scenery is merging in the background of the window.